Confessions
by NewXenalander
Summary: Julia has something she needs to get off her chest... my take on what is going through Julia's head at the end of "Water", the conversation she planned to have with Alonzo, and the one she actually had.


I'm finally getting around to uploading some of the stories I wrote years ago and published to the Earth 2 YahooGroup.

**Summary:** Julia has something she needs to get off her chest... my take on what is going through Julia's head at the end of "Water", the conversation she planned to have with Alonzo, and the one she actually had.

**Timeline:** "Water"

**Main Characters:** Julia, Alonzo

**Disclaimer:** The characters in Earth2 belong to Amblin and Universal. I write for fun not profit, so I hope they don't mind too much :)

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**Confessions**

"You see them?" Julia asked, approaching cautiously. Alonzo turned towards her and flashed her a quick half-smile.

"Nah." Was his casual reply. Nervously Julia seated herself on a rock next to him, crossing her ankles.

"There's something I wanna talk to you about."

"Yeah? What is it?" He replied, now fully smiling as if he already knew.

"First I need you to promise that you'll hear me out before you make any judgements, I have to tell you something and I don't know how you're going to react." Julia's eyes pleaded for understanding. Alonzo's eyes reflected puzzlement and curiosity; this was obviously not what he expected.

"Ok," he said. Julia paused and took a deep breath, steadying her nerves.

"I was raised by the Council." Julia watched the alarm rise slowly in his eyes as she began, she moved on quickly, talking fast, trying to keep him on her side. "My Mother was on the Councils Board of Regents, and I was brought up to believe that they were always right, and that their goals should be foremost in my mind at all times." She smiled wryly, bitterly. "But somehow it didn't quite work as thoroughly as they'd hoped. For years now I've resented how they treat us, me. They act like I'm their property. And in a way I guess I am. That was why I said I wished I could take credit for who I am back there in the med. tent. They've never let me. I have always been one of their pawns, genetically manipulated to be intelligent, devoted to the medical arts, and completely obedient to the Councils directives. That was part of the reason I signed on for this mission, I wanted to try to get away from them, and being 22 light-years away I thought I could find the freedom I wanted. Then I came here, and started to find out just how far the Council were willing to go to keep from losing that control, not just over me, but over the whole population. It made me realize I can't really fully get away from them, and I definitely can't trust them. Alonzo I don't want to be one of them anymore…" Good, it looked as if he was starting to understand. Now for the hard part, Julia just prayed he wouldn't freak.

"But I have a problem. I've been in contact with a Council representative…"

"What?" Alonzo exploded.

"Please!" Julia motioned for him to keep his voice down. "It's not what you think Alonzo, please believe me… When I first contacted him I just wanted answers…"

"When was that?" Alonzo asked, his voice lowered now.

"Right after we found Alex Wentworth and Les Firestein… when John told us about the Council making Alex sabotage the ship I was furious. Until then I had vowed I wasn't going to contact the Council, like I said, I didn't want to have anything to do with them anymore."

"So what answers did you get?" Alonzo was genuinely curious. Julia groaned quietly.

"The guy's name is Reilly, and he denied that the Council had anything to do with the crash, blamed it on Blalock." The sarcasm in Julia's face and voice showed just how far she believed that. "He wanted to know where we are. I didn't tell him…" she added hastily as she saw the concern in his face, and heard him take a breath, probably to protest.

"Thank God for that." Alonzo replied, relieved. Julia snorted, agreeing with the sentiment.

"I don't know what to do Alonzo, part of me still feels a duty to the Council, everything I ever knew was them. But another part of me wants to escape."

"Which one is stronger?" He asked, his voice gentle and understanding. Julia looked into his expressive eyes and at that moment, she knew. Her life as a Council Agent was over.

"I want out." She answered. "But I'm scared. I'm scared they'll come after me. If I betray them, that's it, I might as well sign my own death warrant back on the stations. Alonzo I don't know what to do!" Julia was alarmed to find she was almost crying. Alonzo stood and turned to face her head-on. He reached out and gently pulled her to her feet, slowly and carefully wrapping his arms around her. Julia leaned on his chest, enjoying the strength in his embrace; Alonzo waited until her trembling subsided.

"Come with me." He said.

"Where are we going?" Julia was a little alarmed. Alonzo backed off, placing his hands on her cheeks and tilting her head up to look straight at her.

"We're going back to camp, and we're going to tell them everything, about this Council contact, and what he wants."

"Alonzo, No, wait!" Julia tried to pull away. "I can't! They all hate the Council! When they find out about me they'll…" she couldn't finish, Alonzo covered her lips with his fingertips.

"They'll understand, Julia we all have our demons, they know that. And I'll be with you, nobody is going to do anything drastic, I promise you. Who knows? Maybe we can actually use this contact of yours to OUR advantage! They must know things about this planet that we don't! After all, we didn't know this was a Penal Colony, and from what Yale found out, the Council were the ones that dumped Gaal and his kind here…" Julia was almost convinced. "Come on. Trust me?" Alonzo took her hand. Julia nodded, knowing that she could, knowing she'd made the right decision coming to Alonzo. Slowly, he smiled down at her and gathered her in his arms again. "Mind if we take a few moments to continue from where we left off earlier today?" He breathed. Julia nodded again, her breathing ragged with anticipation as he leaned down to brush his lips gently against hers. Julia breathed in sharply and leaned into the kiss, reveling in the sensations that had been so rudely interrupted by Bess earlier that day. It almost felt like the world was fading away…

Julia sat up abruptly, almost knocking her dinner-plate off the table. Bess looked over, curious.

"Julia, are you Ok?" Julia wiped her eyes quickly, trying to wake up; she'd dozed off after dinner.

"Yeah, I'm fine… must have dozed off." She mumbled, rising from her seat. There was something she needed to do. "I'll be back in a minute Bess, I just… I have something I need to do." She smiled and walked away, heading off in the direction Alonzo had gone earlier. She found him just outside camp, sitting on a rock, watching for Devon and John's return.

"You see them?" Julia asked, approaching cautiously. Alonzo turned towards her and flashed her a quick half-smile.

"Nah." Was his casual reply. Nervously Julia seated herself on a rock next to him, crossing her ankles.

"There's something I wanna talk to you about."

"You wanna know about this afternoon? What it meant?" Was his immediate reply, smiling at her knowingly. What? Where did THAT come from? That wasn't it at all!

"Do I?" She asked, her tone one of warning, trying to make him realize his mistake. He blundered on regardless, obviously not getting the hint.

"I don't know what it meant." God was he so full of himself that he honestly thought she only wanted to talk about him? Julia sighed inwardly; maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Sounds like a conversation you've had before." Typical pilot, she was thinking, love them, and then run away from all possible commitments.

"I know what I'm sure about. I'm glad it happened, and I enjoyed it… and I care about you…"

"But…" here it comes, don't know if I want to get into anything serious, I like you but it's pointless starting something because I'll be leaving when we get to New Pacifica, but hey, wanna have some fun in the meantime?

"But after that I don't know!" God he was so transparent! What on earth had made her think she could talk to him about something this important?

"Why don't you just tell me the truth." Julia said, thinking the truth is that you're an egomaniac! You're so stuck up on your own pedestal that you can't even come down long enough to have a meaningful conversation that isn't about you being the center of every woman's universe?

"I don't know IS the truth!" He paused, grinning at her. "I mean what did that kiss mean to you?"

Julia considered for a moment, growing ever more frustrated. If he expected her to tell him he'd won her over with his manly charms he was in for a disappointment.

"It means we made a mistake." She smiled, a completely mirthless smile, the smile dropped and her face became stony as she rose to her feet and turned to walk away. It had been a mistake to kiss him, and it had been a mistake to approach him, to try to talk to him. A mistake she was unlikely to make again.

"One kiss?" Alonzo stood up too, now he was laughing at her, adding to her anger. "Haven't you ever kissed a guy before?"

"Yes." She replied, her voice controlled, her face betraying nothing. "This is different." This was someone who she had been almost willing to care for, if only he'd listened to her instead of jumping to his own conclusions…

"Because you feel something, is that wrong?"

"In my work yes." Hide behind the professional front, it gave her a good way out.

"You're a better Doctor if you don't feel anything for your patients right?"

"To some degree." Better to not get romantically involved anyway, too messy, clouds the judgement. It had certainly clouded hers today. What HAD she been thinking? Julia wanted to leave, to get away but Alonzo was talking again.

"Yeah, but it doesn't make you happy! I mean a wonderful thing happens, and you're miserable because you can't explain it!" Oh please, it wasn't THAT wonderful. Sure it was a nice kiss… and could have led to more of the same… but… Julia mentally shook herself. Get a grip doctor Heller, and end this debacle before he gets any more ideas!

"I was put here for a reason Alonzo." Julia began, intent on shutting him down for good. "I've got more important things to think about than us." Julia finished, shooting him one last superior look, a final rejection. Alonzo tried to hide his disappointment behind one final act of macho posturing.

"Well don't let me stand in your way!" He turned abruptly, gathering up his things and walking away in disgust. For a moment Julia wavered, regretting her words. She almost went after him, to explain, to apologize, and to tell him everything. But that impulse only lasted a moment. He had already proved he wasn't interested in anything she had to say, unless it was about him and how great a kisser he was. No, Julia knew it was useless to try. And if she couldn't trust Alonzo, who thus far had showed the most confidence in her of any of the group, who could she trust? She had no choice, she hated to do it, but she had to decide where her loyalties really lay. With the Council, where part of her knew they had always been. After one final glance at Alonzo's retreating back, Julia turned, and walked to her tent, and the communicator she'd left hidden amongst her equipment.


End file.
